Tiger Blood

Why do we judge each other?

Why is it, no matter how far we've come, or how much we've accomplished, or what we've overcome, we still will judge each other? We like to pretend that we, as a society, celebrate accomplishments. But even award shows are really just an opportunity to judge what everyone wore.

I hate to say it, but I think women are even worse than men, at times. Or maybe we are just more open about it. There's a reason "Oh Honey, NO" is a catchphrase. There are dozens of shows on television based only on judging other's clothing, or looks, or decisions.

I'm an attitude judger, mostly. "What's up her butt?" and "Who does she think she is?" are common thoughts in my head. But I'm not immune to judging clothing either; or weight gain; or life choices.

Life Choices = Awesome

Of course, my judgement of others is simply a defensive mechanism. I judge others so that they don't judge me. I'm terrified of other people judging me first, so I knock them off their higher position before they can look down on me.

As a teacher, I am constantly being judged by my students. You try standing in front of 34 high school freshman and then try and tell me you're not being judged. My clothing, makeup, shoes, hair, even my personal hygiene are under constant attack. It can be hard to break down the defenses and allow others in.

In class yesterday my students began a project where they will create a visual representation of themselves using text, pictures and graphic design. I created my own version, which included working out. After seeing my example, one of my students yelled out "Then why are you fat?"

I've never felt a stronger urge to binge and purge in my life. This was not the Do NOT Eat Urge, or the Excercise for Hours Urge. Nope. This was the Evacuate My Lunch Urge.

He's just a kid, I told myself. He has no idea about my issues, or what his statements do to me and my Disordered Eating. He simply wanted to call attention to himself and prove his worth to others. He wanted to knock me down, judge me first, so we wouldn't notice his faults, I told myself.

Sound familiar?

Judgment is often just looking in a mirror. We see ourselves in others, and we don't like what we see. So we protect ourselves, put them down before they can look back into that same mirror and judge us first.

Today I'm going to try and put that mirror away. I want to see others for who they are, not for what I see of myself in them.